do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
