I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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