I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
