There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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