god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Pooping to opera.
Randomize