At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
