wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
