the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
