just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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