Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize