Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
