just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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