Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
