I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
