And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
