i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize