the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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