Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
