so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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