Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
