She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
