Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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