My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
