remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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