well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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