I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
