According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
MIDGETS
????
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
