ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
