dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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