dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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