I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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