I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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