he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
