Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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