I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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