My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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