regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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