Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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