fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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