I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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