Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
