chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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