No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
