I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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