I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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