i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
