Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
