Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
