birth control should be required to get into college
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
