fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
