Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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