I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
