He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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