mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
