It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We left an ass print on the piano.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
