only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
