just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
too bad you live with your parents still
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
