4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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