You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
