Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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