Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
