no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
