she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
