Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
