I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
