Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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