I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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