Where are you?
In a non slutty way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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