I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's shark week go big or go home
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
