As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
